Home » What about the Children? Custody Issues and Divorce

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Everyone can agree that custody battles are extraordinarily harmful for children and should be avoided if at all possible. Fortunately, there are alternatives to battling out your children's future in a divorce court. 

The term "custody" has been replaced by the more neutral sounding "parenting plan."  The parenting plan is just that – determining a plan to parent the children given that their parents are getting a divorce.  Also, the term "visitation" is not used; rather the more preferred term is "residential time."  This language is important and reflects new attitudes toward parenting within the context of divorce.  Many parents are also choosing some form of shared parenting.

How to develop a workable parenting plan…

The courts require a parenting plan in any divorce involving children.  If the parent's are unable to agree to a plan, they will most likely end up with a default plan imposed by the courts.  Most parents prefer to develop their own plan designed around the needs of their children and their particular situation.  Attorneys trained in mediation and/or collaborative law are skilled in helping parents develop a workable plan. 

There is pretty convincing evidence that parenting plans developed co-operatively through mediation or collaborative law are less likely to be  disputed later as the children grow and circumstances change.  It is very difficult to change a final parenting plan.  The courts impose a very high standard of "substantial change of circumstances" before changes can even be considered by the court.  For example, a child getting older and having different needs is NOT a substantial change of circumstance.    However, a plan developed by agreement can provide flexibility by providing a mechanism for modification in the case of certain events or life changes.  These agreements can be modified in the same cooperative way.  Agreements that are made outside of the court system generally stay out of the court system. 

Custody (Parenting Plan) and  Child Support…

It is important to remember that custody, (the parenting plan) and child support are two separate issues.  Lack of payment of child support is not a reason to withhold time with the children and a parent cannot refuse to pay child support because that parent was denied access to the children.  Fortunately, these issues seldom arise when agreements are determined cooperatively.

Engaging in a cooperative divorce…